Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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