Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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