Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
