remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
