he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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