a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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