like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize