My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
