i just wanna soil my oats bro
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
