I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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