She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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