I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
