1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize