Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
