So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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