Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize