I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
