i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
