Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
