I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
