I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have feelings that need drinking.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
