she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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