Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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