if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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