I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
