I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
