At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
