yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
