I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
