No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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