Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize