I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
