Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
