Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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