I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
