Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize