Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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