I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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