Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
