If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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