i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
