maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
