And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
