all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
