im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
