I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We're too hungover to prance.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize