come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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