Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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