Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
