If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
