Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
