Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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