if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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