dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
