i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize