Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
