$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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