My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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