happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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