yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
