I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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