He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize