dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
