Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
