Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I didn't shave. On purpose
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
