lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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