Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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