I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
