I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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