So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
