it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
