This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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