dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
