she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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