Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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