I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
