Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
