Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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