Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
