Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?

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(561): View more from Florida

So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?

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(813): View more from Florida

just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat

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(337): View more from Louisiana

There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.

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(425): View more from Washington

I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?

(1-425): View more from Washington

you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time

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(937): View more from Ohio

so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.

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(520): View more from Arizona

Still drunk, heading to class.

(1-520): View more from Arizona

It's 3 a.m. Dude

(520): View more from Arizona

Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.

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