I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
