I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
