Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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