Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
