I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
