sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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