holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize