what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
