Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
