i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
