Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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