just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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