Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
