I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
