At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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