I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
