This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
