make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
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