this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize