I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
wanna go halves on a baby?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
