my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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