i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize