I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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