The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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