please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize