I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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