I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
